Choosing intimacy with me

these-sparks-between-us-will

Thinking back to all the adults throughout my life I now realize that…There wasn’t really good examples of beautiful relationships around me. Yes, there were many people who chose to be together, and go through all the difficulties of life together in the form of being married. But truth be told, they weren’t there to create more together.

‘A relationship is a commitment to one another that as long as you can be a contribution to each other, ‘we’ choose to spend our time together.’

The community I grew up with gave most of the power to the men. To take care of everything, choose the important things, and to a lesser extent the woman only had more of an acknowledgement of that which was already decided.

Yet, I believe in a different kind of relationship. One in which love prevails throughout anything. Where allowance and vulnerability is keys to a relationship that communicates needs and even the occasional utterance of the need for ‘space’. Yes I believe there is nothing wrong with wanting to do something by yourself.

Sometimes we forget the value of having beautiful relationships with the ones we love.

For most of our lives we choose a partner based on other people’s concepts and values about… who a perfect partner is. What we require in a relationship. More than that we mimic that which our parents chose and created. Or to the contrary resist what they were so much that we create the opposite, yet keep that cycle deep inside.

This all happens almost ‘automatically’ without much consideration.

What would happen if you ask yourself a few questions before committing to anyone apart from yourself?

What is it that I really desire in a partner?

What kind of person would I want to choose everyday?

What kind of person would I be able to be with this person?

Which contribution can we be to each other?

What if that which you would like to choose for you is completely different than that which everyone else expected from you, different from what they would have chosen for you, yet you know that, that is what you want in your life?

I always knew I would find someone just for love. I knew I would be able to take care of myself, financially, emotionally and spiritually. Today that is more true than ever.

To me this is what it comes down to…

‘I don’t need you. And you don’t need me either.But I choose you everyday!’

This is what I can say to my boyfriend, and how blessed I am to have someone who understand me for who I be.

The other day I had the loveliest encounter with a couple on their way to their holiday. From the US they were traveling to Bhutan. For those of you who don’t know Bhutan is a small country next to Nepal, not much bigger than Switzerland.

While they were having their dinner I overheard a brief conversation which went something like this….

‘I read you like a book’ while giving him something from her plate…

‘yes, indeed’ ‘At least a well read book, that is’

….both laughing… ‘Yes that is true’

Their constant conversation spoke of childlike curiosity. A tongue in the cheek humour that allows them to explore their relationship as something that is ever changing.

Later on they even joked about this being their honeymoon ( I guess they must have been married for 30 years plus). How does it get better than that?

To choose each other everyday. That is the biggest gift you can be to each other.

‘To choose another for who they truly are, one first has to choose oneself as being the most important person in one’s own life.’

From that is created a loving relationship. One that only a few in this world choose to create.

If you would like to change something in your life and relationships I would suggest to start by watching this short video 5 Rules of intimacy as a guideline.  It sure changed my point of view. In truth it isn’t about the relationship with others, not even with your husband or wife, it all starts with YOU!!!

What intimacy with yourself are you resisting that if you were to choose it would change your life forever?

Ask yourself this every day for the next week. Even better ask yourself this everyday for the next week while standing in front of the mirror.

Friendship a different kind of Love

friendshipI have a confession for today.

My last years at school went past without any major glitches. I’ve always been & felt somewhat different.

It is only now that I know how different.

You see deep inside I’ve always known that we all have gifts and abilities.

In school I blended in with a group of friends who were all the left-over, odd ones out who stuck together. No judgement for that. Needless to say, more than a few of them were also the people who were lost for where to go and what to do next with their lives.

At one point , after seeing a cycle in which I had a third group of friends who were not respecting me. They did value (to some extent) me but respect was missing. And if you don’t respect me you are no friend at all. I love myself to not need that in my life.

I pretty much got to a day where I said no more. No more friends. No more wasting time. No more messing around. I’m done with this. (Just to make it clear in the bigger picture I am very grateful to all of them for allowing me to step into who I be).

So yes I was selfish enough to take time just for me. To do what I loved doing, reading and writing. And driving around listening to audio recordings.  In this time I was introduced to Mooji who gave me invaluable lessons through his Satsang recordings.

You are probably wondering…how did she get on without friends? Well there are always the ones that are there no matter what. A rare few, the kind who even after not speaking for what seems like ages you pick up the phone and they give you so much love that it can sustain you, for a while at least.

This period of doing my own thing enabled me to explore that.

Till now I’ve been searching for the tools from outside. As if the perfect list of things to do will change your life. And as by magic I found that these things from outside is there to guide us in realizing that we have the power inside, we have the creativity to create anything, we have the ability to make situations come together like an orchestra conductor.

That is you ‘ruling’ your life.

In looking at this situation there is one underlying belief which I didn’t notice.

A new friend Tamara Stegeman, amazing creator and inspiration to all around her asked me some questions around the people I have in my life. If you didn’t know, asking a question opens up a new possibility for things to show up in your life.

Some of the questions were something like this….

What is the role of friends?
What type of friends would enable me to create more?
Which kind of people would be fun to hang out with?

My confession is this:

In this conversation I had these words come out of my mouth – which to my surprise- I had to go….did I just say that?

More importantly is that the belief I have about this?

Wow ok great now I know.

And I choose to change it no matter what!!!

So you want to know what my belief was….??!!

‘I can create more without friends, they will just hold me back’

Interesting point of view, I have this point of view.

In exploring this topic and belief more I’ve found a few valuable aspects to consider.

When is the right time to let go of a friendship? Am I being a contribution to them and are they being a contribution to me?
When is it ‘ok’ to allow it to just frazzle out? Do we have connection points which are the kind of things I would like to stay in connection with someone for.
What are they choosing to create in their lives? Are they there for the victories or the hardships in my life and their own?
What kind of activities would I like to do with my friends?
Are they committed to being active in my life? And if not so does that still work for me?

One of the videos from Blossom Benedict she ( https://youtu.be/P7qkFyw0NIo ) reads an expert from a book which says….
The best friends to have are those who are there for your victories to celebrate with you. Those who don’t even know that you had the hardship. Otherwise you will create the ‘problems’ and ‘situation’ just so you can have more connection points to these friends.

 

Why was it so important for me to discover this belief? 

Because, how much of my capacity to receive did I cut off by taking on this belief?

Even though I wasn’t actively thinking about it, something like this is like an automated button. So when you see someone wants to approach you. Connect to you. Talk to you, you already put extra barriers up. Because if I allow them to enter closer into my life and who I be then I cannot be what I want to be. How much resistance to connecting to people is there within this belief?

What interesting points of view.

Since yesterday was Valentine’s day I was thinking about the love between friends. And it made me have a deep gratitude for the friends in my life. More than that it made me think about love in itself….we can never have enough love in our lives…we are love.

Sometimes we need friends to remind us of that. Of that there is no limit of ourselves to give to others.

I choose to change this…

What would I like to create my friends circle as???
These days it can look so much different than was possible a while back. I am able to meet people all around the world. And talk to them online and even meet them for a day in a city.

I am lucky enough to be able to make friends. All different kind of friends. Because no one is the same. It is only now that I realize that just as throughout this journey I was searching for someone who would value my passions, value my gifts and that I am different. There is someone out there who is searching for a friend who is able and willing to appreciate them for who they be. And that in itself is called a friendship.

I love being silly, and laughing really deeply, and being childish. Sometimes I can be quite serious and structured and all of that (that is probably a bit of my Gemini coming through) but I know that my friends can joke about it. Pull a face at me while I’m being all serious.

This is the time for me to invite new friends and more love to enter into my life.

If your are ready to make some changes in this area, how to connect to friends,  or any other area of your life if you didn’t know I run this amazing, pretty much life changing, process called the Bars. It can change areas of your life which you have been struggling with since childhood. And what if you could get some clarity on why you do something in a certain way?

I am excited for more friends to show up in my life. What would you like to change for you?

If you want to join me to explore more on stepping into your power please stay tuned here. This is my journey of stepping into Abundance and Joy.