Choosing intimacy with me


Thinking back to all the adults throughout my life I now realize that…There wasn’t really good examples of beautiful relationships around me. Yes, there were many people who chose to be together, and go through all the difficulties of life together in the form of being married. But truth be told, they weren’t there to create more together.

‘A relationship is a commitment to one another that as long as you can be a contribution to each other, ‘we’ choose to spend our time together.’

The community I grew up with gave most of the power to the men. To take care of everything, choose the important things, and to a lesser extent the woman only had more of an acknowledgement of that which was already decided.

Yet, I believe in a different kind of relationship. One in which love prevails throughout anything. Where allowance and vulnerability is keys to a relationship that communicates needs and even the occasional utterance of the need for ‘space’. Yes I believe there is nothing wrong with wanting to do something by yourself.

Sometimes we forget the value of having beautiful relationships with the ones we love.

For most of our lives we choose a partner based on other people’s concepts and values about… who a perfect partner is. What we require in a relationship. More than that we mimic that which our parents chose and created. Or to the contrary resist what they were so much that we create the opposite, yet keep that cycle deep inside.

This all happens almost ‘automatically’ without much consideration.

What would happen if you ask yourself a few questions before committing to anyone apart from yourself?

What is it that I really desire in a partner?

What kind of person would I want to choose everyday?

What kind of person would I be able to be with this person?

Which contribution can we be to each other?

What if that which you would like to choose for you is completely different than that which everyone else expected from you, different from what they would have chosen for you, yet you know that, that is what you want in your life?

I always knew I would find someone just for love. I knew I would be able to take care of myself, financially, emotionally and spiritually. Today that is more true than ever.

To me this is what it comes down to…

‘I don’t need you. And you don’t need me either.But I choose you everyday!’

This is what I can say to my boyfriend, and how blessed I am to have someone who understand me for who I be.

The other day I had the loveliest encounter with a couple on their way to their holiday. From the US they were traveling to Bhutan. For those of you who don’t know Bhutan is a small country next to Nepal, not much bigger than Switzerland.

While they were having their dinner I overheard a brief conversation which went something like this….

‘I read you like a book’ while giving him something from her plate…

‘yes, indeed’ ‘At least a well read book, that is’

….both laughing… ‘Yes that is true’

Their constant conversation spoke of childlike curiosity. A tongue in the cheek humour that allows them to explore their relationship as something that is ever changing.

Later on they even joked about this being their honeymoon ( I guess they must have been married for 30 years plus). How does it get better than that?

To choose each other everyday. That is the biggest gift you can be to each other.

‘To choose another for who they truly are, one first has to choose oneself as being the most important person in one’s own life.’

From that is created a loving relationship. One that only a few in this world choose to create.

If you would like to change something in your life and relationships I would suggest to start by watching this short video 5 Rules of intimacy as a guideline.  It sure changed my point of view. In truth it isn’t about the relationship with others, not even with your husband or wife, it all starts with YOU!!!

What intimacy with yourself are you resisting that if you were to choose it would change your life forever?

Ask yourself this every day for the next week. Even better ask yourself this everyday for the next week while standing in front of the mirror.


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